Top Ten Tuesday: What I’m Not Thankful For
November 21st, 2006 | by Scott |This week’s entry is ghost-written by my curmudgeonly acerbic alter-ego. This is the un-thanksgiving list.
10. Bluetooth–Seriously, get the thing off your ear. You look ridiculous. Unless you are dumping 30,000 shares of Martha Stewart’s latest stock fiasco, you aren’t that important to need one.
9. Three Month Christmas Seasons–If we start celebrating this holiday after Labor Day, if your yards are decorated with Frosty the Snowman invading the Middle-Eastern Creche, then that means I get four months of a daily request for a puppy for Christmas. And you know I’m going to cave. You know I’m going to break down and get them the dog for Christmas, don’t you? Don’t you? Cause I’m powerless over them.
8. Two Days to craft a sermon on Ephesians 4–I’m not a machine. These things take time. Two days doesn’t cut it. Sure, I can take the laptop and work while we are visiting relatives. But, I won’t. If it’s not done today, I’ll put it off until we get back in town on Saturday. And I can’t stand putting off my sermon.
7. Turkey–It’s the day set aside for being thankful. And this is the best food we can think of? What about steak, pizza or Lasagna? Cornbread and Chili? We can do better than this, right?
6. Health Insurance Companies–You are going to deny me coverage because I had high cholesterol five years ago? The fact that I lowered it by losing 70 pounds, changing my diet and beginning regular exercise is not good enough? The lab results that say my cholesterol is now within acceptable ranges is not conclusive enough? Criminals.
5. Nervousness before Big Games–I started this football season with moderate expectations for my beloved Razorbacks. But they have decimated those meager hopes with a season far surpassing everyone’s projections. Now, I’m tense with thoughts of running the table. Can we stop the skid to LSU? Can we be competitive in the SEC championship? How did Chris Leak get nine years of eligibility? And don’t even get me started on how stressed I get following my fantasy scores each week.
4. SexyBack, My Humps and all other offspring of marginal musical talents–This is the result of the dumbing down of American culture. And don’t tell me it’s just mindless fun. Why does fun have to be mindless?
3. My sustained uselessness–I know I have a million things to do. I know the yard looks bad. I know that my desk needs to be cleaned off. I know that I am basically worthless when something goes wrong. I know that my dad could build an add-on to the house in time for lunch. I didn’t get those do-it-yourself genes.
2. Mornings–Seriously, do we need two 6:30’s? I like the one at night just fine.
1. Clothes–No, I’m not advocating nudism. I don’t think I could pull it off. But I’m not thankful for the entire mindset that says clothes make the man. Or Woman. Or that what you wear is some kind of great insight into the person that you are. Clothes should always maximize comfort over style. No article of clothing should cost more than 10 bucks. And ties should be outlawed as the objects of torture that they are.
Give me your thoughts. Tell me what you aren’t thankful for or what you have to say about my list.
Now, excuse me while I go yell at these kids to get off my lawn.
51 Responses to “Top Ten Tuesday: What I’m Not Thankful For”
By greg on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
I usually want to walk over and slap someone walking around with one of those things on their ear. They look stupid, and from a distance, the person looks even more stupid because he appears to be talking to himself, very loudly.
I love turkey & dressing, and this is one of the few times of year I eat it, so I’m fine with that. However, the thanksgiving deep-pan pepperoni sounds good, too.
Ties suck. I’ve worn a tie about a half-dozen times in the last 10 years. That’s way too often. And comfort rules.
I’m feeling good about the game. I’ll probably get over that and be wreck on Friday.
By Larry Freeman on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Cell phones!! Great invention, but why should I have to listen to some woman’s female surgery while eating at Red Lobster, or driving behind someone on their phone in the fast lane.
By Donna on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
10-I agree with Bluetooth…although it is a safer way to talk while driving…and don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater…it is great to use bluetooth technology to load my pictures from my phone to my laptop without a wire….
9.If you put up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving is over you should be shot…
8. Some of us would just love the opportunity to preach….
7. I agree….turkey is dry and tasteless…give me a T-bone!
6. Don’t tell my Health Insurance company about #7
5. I am almost over this….
4. I can’t say sex on your blog…
3. Ditto
2. mornings are OK…once I am up.
1. Flannel pajama pants and sweatshirts….should be all the clothes we need (well except in summer where shorts and a t-shirt will suffice…)
By John on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
I’m with you on the Bluetooth, I don’t know how many bad conversations I’ve had to endure listening to on the train. It’s especially bad days I leave early and take a local that stops at a local university. We don’t care how your date went or how low your ex is stooping.
I’m also with you on mornings, they should just be outlawed or make the hours longer during them so you have more time.
My other peeve is traffic lights, about half of them are useless and should be ripped out of the ground right away. If they’re still worried about the intersection then put a stop sign. I sat the other morning while running late at a light with no traffic coming the other way. Total waste of time and gas not to mention the pollution factor of just idiling there for a wasted minute.
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
It’s funny. I always get universal agreement on the bluetooth. Does anybody put those things on their ear?
Donna, I’m shocked my spam filter didn’t block your comment seeing how you said the word sex. And preach on.
John, the environmental impact of traffic lights must be highlighted.
By jasonk on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
10. Tim McGraw
9. TV news personalities who think they are celebrities, but can’t spell.
8. The morons who put celebrity names together when they are dating. eg, TomKat, Brangelina, etc.
7. Political correctness.
6. Judgmentalism
5. The Southern Baptist Convention
4. Jap guitars
3. Bicycles from Wal Mart
2. Wal Mart
1. The guys who heckled Kramer on stage
By greg on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
The morons who put celebrity names together when they are dating. eg, TomKat, Brangelina, etc.
yes, I could not agree more. these people should be … well, let me just say there are situations where violence is justified…
By Jenny on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
I teach at a Lutheran school that is affiliated with the token Lutheran “mega-church” in the area. My office is in the same building as all the church staff and pastors. The senior pastor comes waltzing in and out on a daily basis with a bluetooth attached to his ear. A pastor! I mean, seriously, could you look more busy or unapproachable than that?!
By Jon on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Agree with the blue tooth. Did they honestly try it on in the store and look in a mirror and say to themselves…”Man, I like it. I’ll take it.” If you have one of these you are a dork!!!
Agree with all others, esp JasonK’s stupid people who put celeb names together.
My number 1 would be Brent Musberger broadcasting any game ever. He blatantly roots for Notre Dame, Ohio State, Texas, and USC. He should never do color commentary again when any of these teams are playing. Gets in my crawl when he gets pumped up for one of these teams plays and just builds them up no matter how close they are winning or how badly they are getting beat. ID-I-OT!!!
Go HOGS!!!!
By nhe on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Hold firm on the no dog stance Scott - you’ll be glad you did……….I speak from experience. I gave in - not good. I like dogs but I can’t justify the cost and the hassle…..
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Jenny, I’ve often been described as unapproachable. Maybe I’m missing out by not having one. That would really seal my reputation, huh?
By KS on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Anyone see what happened to Kramer? Saw his racist comments on CNN (the communist news station).
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
NHE, I’m trying. My wife is more resilient than I am, however.
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
KS, the communist news station? You don’t say.
There is really no defense for what Kramer said. It doesn’t matter if you are baited or not. It’s just wrong. I pray that his heart will be softened.
By nhe on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Re: Michael Richards (Kramer) - the old addage is that the nasty stuff (what really lies deep down inside of us) comes out when we’re pushed to our boiling point………the stuff that resides in the deep recesses of Richards’ being sure isn’t pretty……but I think that’s true of all of us - most of us are just better about covering it up - i.e. - suppressing the truth in unrighteousness - Romans 1.
By Sunny Bybee on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
I see a lady every time I pick up the kids from MMO that has a BlueTooth. She looks so silly that I always end up looking the other way before laughing in her face.
If you want a dog, we have a great cocker spaniel!
About Michael Richards (Kramer), he was on Letterman last night and was deeply saddened by what had happened. His apology was sincere and heartfelt.
By Mike the Eyeguy on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
6-6 records and a head coach with a perpetual deer-in-the-headlamps look on his face.
And I don’t like 4 million dollar contract buyouts either, although I sure wish someone would offer me one.
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
NHE, you are definitely right. I can’t sit in judgment on Richards–what he said is inexcusable but that doesn’t change the need for correction.
Neither do I doubt the sincerity of his apology. I believe he deeply regrets what he did. No matter what side you are on, it’s unfortunate. And I think it just underscores the fact that many of us still harbor racist feelings–suppressed or not.
Mike, don’t worry. Your Tide will be back. With that payroll for their athletes there’s no way they won’t be back on top in no time.
By Lane W. on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
10. Going into Walmart, Target, or any other store for something I need, only to be shoved around by greedy shoppers looking for a handout.
9. That health insurance costs over $800 a month, and I’m 28 and healthy.
8. Cold weather is downright miserable. Nothing worse than a cold breeze blowing on a cold night.
7. Turkey and dressing are okay, but why the need for 8000 different casseroles at Thanksgiving? What ever happened to just having corn and green beans, not a corn casserole and a green bean casserole?
6. I can’t stand it when the UPS, FEDEX, or mail people are late. I had to leave a package on my porch overnight because the guy showed up after we left town.
5. Bluetooth is comical. There’s a guy here who is bald as cue ball, loud as can be, and extremely obnoxious, and he always has it on his ear (did I mention he’s one of our ushers at church and wears it then as well?)
4. Benevolent cases who call the church asking for help, we agree to help, and then someone else calls from the exact same number calls for a different reason.
3. Reruns during the new season. I hate anticipating a new episode, and then its a rerun.
2. Getting a cold, sinus problems, etc.
1. I may be the only person in the world, but I can’t stand Christmas Music. I’ve never really cared for it. Give it to me the week before Christmas, and that’s it. Don’t start feeding it to me before Thanksgiving.
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Lane, I am completely with you on the Christmas music. The same old songs year after year? No thanks.
By jasonk on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Michael Richards revealed what was in his heart, but like someone said, that is likely in everyone’s heart. I remember hearing Adrian Rogers preach about the refiner’s fire (Malachi). The refiner slowly turns up the heat, and the impurities in the silver slowly but surely work their way to the top. Richards had some mean spirited hecklers in his crowd last Friday, and those impurities down deep made their way out. I was glad to see him apologize, and now we can move on.
As for the bluetooth, are any of you guys in sales? As a financial consultant, I live on the phone all day. I have a cordless headset for my landline, and my ear is sore by the end of the day, but I’ve got to be ready to pull the trigger as early and as often as possible, or I don’t get paid. So cut a little slack for those of us who have to make a living on the phone. PLUS, let’s not forget that the lovely and scantily dressed Lt. Uhura was the original bluetooth person, and that’s okay with me.
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
OK, finally a bluetooth user fights back. I can almost understand it if you are in sales. Like I said if you are dumping stock for Martha Stewart it’s one thing. But if you are just so glued to the phone and enamored by the sound of your own voice that is something totally different.
By jasonk on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Let me clarify something. I am not currently a bluetooth user. I have a headset for my cell phone, but not a bluetooth. My cordless is at the office. I may get one for Christmas though, I hope I do. But like you, I am amused at the people with bluetooth who are just chatting, or NOT chatting, just wearing one.
I heard Susan Werner in concert once, and she said that bluetooth gave legitimacy to people with mental illness–you can go around talking to yourself all day, and no one will think you’re crazy. Is that politically incorrect?!
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Jason, you are really worried about being politically correct, are you?
By Will on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Very funny. I really like the one about the untalented musicians.
By jasonk on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
After what happened to Kramer, I feel like I have to watch every word ;>)
By Jon on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
What happened to freedom of speech?
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
What do you mean? Are you saying it’s not a big deal to hurl the N-word at somebody?
Obviously, he has the freedom to say whatever he wants. But there are consequences to using words that are steeped in hundreds of years of racism and oppression.
By terri on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
…and I thought I was grumpy! I mean, I AM grumpy but…
By Scott on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Terri, it’s not me.
It’s my doppelganger.
By KS on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Jon: He is not being arrested for his actions, but he has lost his career.
That is where, unfortunately, free speech is not a good thing. Saw on CNN today (waiting to update my liscense with the class of Montgomery, thrilling) that a man in NY had made a gingerbread house…of nazi’s. Nice use of free speech…
By jasonk on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
It is a big deal to hurl the n-word around. But Richards was pushed to the boiling point by two guys who were taking some pretty cheap shots at him. He made a mistake, he said he was sorry, and I don’t see why it should cost him his career.
By Doug Freeman on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Scott, I have one of those things you wear on your ear for a cell phone. You could use it while preaching in case someone calls for benevolent help. I got it with my new cell phone. By the way, what does a bluetooth do?
By Matt W on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
For number 1 we would do well to heed the words of Thoreau:
“I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.”
By Cindy on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
Don’t you hate it when someone is walking toward and asking questions like, “How are you?” or “What’s going on?” You reply only to realize they are talking to someone with a bluetooth! It’s like thinking someone is waving and then realize he is waving to the person behind you.
By greg on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
as scott said, freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences. if the public does not appreciate what richards said (and they shouldn’t), he may have less of a career (although, granted, he’s not had much of one since Seinfeld, likely because he’ll always be Kramer). Sure, he’s free to say it if he chooses, but if it’s unacceptable, people aren’t going to ignore it.
I agree that he’s apologized and I think he’s sincere (it’s never eary to tell). I’m willing to move on, but he didn’t offend me the same way he offended others. There may be more work to do there in making amends.
I saw the nazi gingerbread men, too. I think free speech is a good thing. Like any other freedom, we can use it for good or bad.
By Tracy on Nov 21, 2006 | Reply
30 million dollar celebrity weddings. No thanks.
By Cindy on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
Actually, we may be having steak. Maybe Tracy should drop you off in Little Rock.
By Scott on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
Dad, I’ll take it.
Matt, great quote.
Greg, I agree. I think he is sincere. However, whenever those of us who endeavor to speak in front of others, no matter the circumstances, we should be prepared for the consequences when we misspeak. You can’t tell me that is the worst heckling he ever received. I hope he gets a second chance but there will be fallout. Ask Mel.
Cindy, I’ll see what I can do.
By Jon on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
When I posted my comment I was referring to the fact that the these ‘offended’ gentlemen have now gotten a lawyer to sue Richards for what he said. Waaaaa you hurt my feelings now I am going to sue. what’s next you going to sue me because I talk trash about your favorite sports team. He should never have said what he said because of the implications that n—– carries with it. that word has no place in society but it is a huge huge double standard that blacks can use it to describe one another but if someone outside uses it all of a sudden let’s throw out the race card and get some lawyers.
By jasonk on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
I saw the report this morning too Jon. Hiring a lawyer, and a CELEBRITY lawyer no less. Please. Here is a quote from one of the “victims” of Michael Richards’ tirade: “I believe in free speech, but there should be limits.” Yeah right, limits. Like when you make me mad, that’s where your free speech ends. You can be as rude as you want, disruptive during a performance, but if someone offends YOU, sue them.
What is more ridiculous is the lawyer’s suggestion that they hire a retired judge to mediate the exchange between Richards and the two men. Let HIM decide how much Richards should pay. If I were the judge, I would say, “I declare that Richards should pay each man $17.50– the cover charge for the club, and two drink minimum.”
People are morons.
By Scott on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
Jon, sorry. I don’t usually do this sort of thing but I edited out the n-word in your comment. I don’t want the traffic that word might lead my way. And I hate that word and even seeing it fills me with regret from a long line of hatred.
I’m on my way out of town and won’t be able to check back in until later tonight. Have fun.
Maybe we can discuss race issues when I get back on.
By Jon on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
no problem. be careful traveling and have a good thanksgiving. God Bless.
By Lynn on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
Great one! I especially agree with the SexyBack/My Humps comment. TOO TRUE!
By Amy on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
I love it when your alter-ego pops in for a surprise blog post.
Every time I go to the gym to run a lady is behind me on a treadmill just yakking away on the phone. It looks hysterical because you can’t see the earpiece or a phone so she just looks like she’s gone mad.
I can’t help but wonder if she would just quit talking she could maybe break out into a jog rather than her slow-paced walking. At least something is getting a work out.
By Jason Bybee on Nov 22, 2006 | Reply
Alter ego? The Freeman I know is always curmudgeonly acerbic….
By Scott on Nov 23, 2006 | Reply
Amy, he pokes his head out now and again.
Jason, I’m a lamb of a guy.
By Lachen on Nov 24, 2006 | Reply
Dude, 48 comments?!
I am just popping in to say I think you are onto something with all of your gripes, other than not relating to #4 and #5 and disagreeing with #7 altogther, since Turkey is the most underrated meat out there.
Sorry Pork, but Turkey is the other white meat.
By Scott on Nov 26, 2006 | Reply
What can I say? It’s Top Ten Tuesday.
Turkey is the devil.
By Len on Nov 27, 2006 | Reply
My gripe goes to Friday evening’s football game against LSU. The defense holds, momentum is on our side, there is over 2:00 on the clock and Darren McFadden does not touch the ball once the last series of the game. Brillant strategy right there!
By Scott on Nov 27, 2006 | Reply
Len, I’m with you. I was at that game. The ONLY way we win is with the ball the hands of our Heisman candidate. He wasn’t even on the field the last 3 plays.
For the most part our play-calling has been spot-on this year. But there were a few missteps (4th and two, for example) on Friday.