I realized earlier that the curmudgeon hasn’t appeared in a while. As hard as I try to suppress him, he lurks underneath. Every once in a while he has to appear.

He presents to you now things that are really getting under his skin. Just bubbling under the list are people who are incapable of seeing nuance and news show banter. I mean, really, just give us the news. I don’t really care to see how well the meteorologist and the sports anchor get on.

Anyway:

10. Close Talkers–Not just any close talkers. I understand that some people might not have the boundary issues that I do. It’s the close talkers who won’t take the hint when I back up. Me taking a step backwards is NOT a cue for you to take a step forward. M’kay?

9. Birthday Parties–OK, maybe my folks were phoning it in. I didn’t have a birthday party every year. And either I wasn’t invited or my friends didn’t have one every year either. But if this rate of expansion continues I will have to quit my job just to be able to take my kids to all the birthday parties that they and their little friends have.

8. Use of the term “the church” exclusively for the Church of Christ. 1952 called. They want their isolationism, arrogance and exclusivism back.

7. Credit Agencies–Two notes for you bottom feeders: 1) Neither Gwendolyn Jackson nor Sheila Nichols live at my house. So they cannot talk to you about whatever sum they owe you. 2) You can keep calling on behalf of ADT. We don’t owe them money. And we ain’t paying.

6. Joakim Noah. I don’t think I’ve rooted AGAINST an athlete this hard since Christian Laettner.

5. Check Writing. Seriously, who still uses these things? They are called Debit Cards. Quicker and easier. And you don’t have to write a check for a .72 cent purchase. And isn’t there something a little sad about writing a check for a lottery ticket?

4. Hewitt Cops–OK, so tickets are your sole source of revenue. I get that. You can’t be hired anywhere else unless you want to work the graveyard shift providing security for the local apartment complex. I understand. But, that doesn’t give you the right to prey on your citizens. And don’t tell me that ONE single street in town needs a 20 MPH speed limit when EVERY OTHER ONE IN THE AREA is 30 MPH. And don’t tell me because it’s near a school. There are 6 streets closer to the school and they are all 30. THE STINKING SCHOOL ZONE is 30 MPH for crying out loud. The only reason that one street is 20 is to prey on fine upstanding citizens who might drive a skoch too fast. Not that I know, mind you. I just hear people talking.

3. Game/Reality Show Suspense–Do you really need to drag out who is getting eliminated or opening the stupid briefcase? Just tell us! Look at the long-standing success of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. They don’t wait until they return from commercial break to see if the double jeopardy question is right or if the vowel is up on the board. You want to know why these shows have such a short shelf life? People get tired of waiting.

2. Spell-Check. Come on. If you know how to log onto a computer, you should be able to know how to proof your work.

1. Spam–It’s killing me. I installed a second filter yesterday and it says it has already blocked 460 attempts. I want to utilize mybloglog on my sidebar but, as you can see, it has already been spammed by cleo and litllolita. Do me a favor: don’t vote for Cleo. And stop spamming me. Please.