(Subtitled: Where I Get Myself in a Good Amount of Trouble)

One good thing about job security is that I don’t have to go through the rigmarole of interviewing for a ministry job. I’ve done way too many of those and would prefer to never have to do it again.

For those of you who haven’t been through the laborious, excruciating and mind-numbing torture of interviewing at a church, let me tell you now: don’t ever try it. It’s horrifying and rarely, if ever, deals with matters of importance. I’ll have more to say about that later.

But in that vein there is a culture, or protocols, around the Church of Christ ministry search that is antiquated and formulaic. In our broader culture there are a series of phrases that I would prefer to never hear again. They are:

10. Any phrase that incorporates the word “Brotherhood.” Aside from it’s immediate exclusion of half of those who affiliate themselves with the COC, it eliminates 99% of the broader world of Christianity. You can toss in with that the use of the phrase “the Church” in sole reference to our tine on the fork of the American Restoration Movement.

9. Guide, Guard and Direct Besides the redundancy, it is the older equivalent of the prominent use of the word “just” in many prayers.

8. Ready Recollection. I appreciate the gesture, but it’s really not necessary. For one, maybe I need to forget something I prepared. Just cause I write it down on Tuesday, doesn’t mean I need to say it out loud on Sunday (This blog post is quickly becoming a good example of that.) Secondly, I haven’t memorized my sermon. It’s all written down in front of me. 14 point, Times New Roman font. Oh, and the important points are on overhead and I control the clicker.
And we probably need to move away from such a dependency on what I say and more of a focus on what God needs to tell us. But the consumerist mentality of modernist worship services is another post altogether.

7. Decent and in Order. In all my years of interacting within the “brotherhood” I have never heard anybody advocate for the inclusion of anything that is indecent. And I even lived in Tennessee. And what order? We all know that if you do communion after the sermon then your entire service is invalidated. I mean, who does that?

6. Rightly Divide the Word of Truth. Yeah, I know it’s from 2 Timothy. But I still don’t know what it means other than I have a hyper-literal interpretation of the passages that agree with the power-brokers.

5. Doctrinally Sound A large number of churches looking for ministers are interested in only “grounded” preachers who are “sound in the Word.” Again, do you think an “unsound” minister is going to see that qualification and think “oh, I guess that leaves me out.” However, it’s typically a sign to stay away.

4. Mechanical Instruments. What is that? How long will we continue to mire ourselves in this pointless debate? And do “mechanical” instruments include all instruments of a mechanical nature including rolling mills and specimen peeling tools? What about barrel organs?

3. Change Agent. Seriously, I’m so fed up with this (Important note: my wife took our middle daughter to a birthday party last week where she was handed the latest Spiritual Dagger blasting Richland Hills, after she was confirmed as a member of a “sound brotherhood” church).
It’s not change agents that bring division in the church. It is the unwillingness to lovingly walk alongside one another as we “work out our salvation.” It is the refusal to bear with one another, giving love and understanding to those who might reach a different conclusion than we do. It is the propensity we have in the church to draw rigid lines in the sand that demands uniformity of belief.
In a setting where I could lose my job by having the “wrong” position on instruments or the role of women in worship but remain relatively secure in my position at the same time I subjugate, dominate, abuse and mistreat my wife it is obvious that something is wrong. And it’s not the “change agents.” It’s the atmosphere where the belief that God elevated something other than love of Him and love of neighbor as the two greatest commandments.

2. “Evangelist.” Another sign that we have things seriously wrong is the idea that the role of evangelist becomes a singular paid position and not the role of a broad cross-section of the Church.

1. “Add to or take away.” First off, I have never added anything to the book of Revelation. That’s Lahaye’s and Jenkin’s job. Secondly, we all add our interpretations and conclusions. Interpreting scripture is not adding to. Imposing a rigid test of inclusion and fellowship is.

Uhh, didn’t mean to say all that. Oh well. Any thoughts or additions?