A Lot of Drafts In Here

May 3rd, 2007 | by Scott |

I am a stream of consciousness writer. I always have been. I rarely, if ever, edit my writings. What you see, 99.9% of the time, is my first draft of whatever I have written.

Even in school I would typically turn in a lightly edited final paper that was largely unchanged from its original incarnation. It would drive my wife crazy that I could turn in papers at the Master’s level and score an “A” without tremendous editing.

But I find myself starting a large number of posts and never finishing them because I’m not sure what to say.

Needless to say, I’m struggling a lot with where I’m at and where I feel that God is calling me to go.

I don’t want to come off as being too critical. I don’t want to be caustic, callous or insensitive.

Yet there is so much that needs to be said. So much that we need to aright in this world we call evangelicalism.

What is my voice? What is my role in the blogosphere? How do I navigate what I want to say with what should be said.

Who am I and why am I here? Do I rail against the things that really rankle me or do I strive not to rock the boat?
Do I be honest and proclaim that there is a lot that is really bugging me right now or do I simply let things be?

This isn’t depression talking. But it is uncertainty. As if I’m at a crossroads and the path I take right now has a tremendous bearing on the future.

Which way do I go? Insights?

  1. 8 Responses to “A Lot of Drafts In Here”

  2. By R-Liz on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    Scott– One of the reasons I SO enjoy your blog is because of your public forum of wrestling with issues that effect (whether we see it or not) all believers. I really, really appreciate your candidness and honesty. Please, continue to post on these thoughts. Most likely, you’re not alone. You DO have a gift for writing, so many of us come back here to see what you’re saying because you put to words what many of us also feel deep down but don’t know how to express as eloquently.

    Write on… Please.

  3. By len on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    You bring up a lot of interesting points in all of your posts. I disagree with some of your conclusions sometimes, but always appreciate how you explain yourself.

    It seems to me that you focus a lot on what is wrong with the church. It is good for us to wrestle with these issues. What I would be interested in is hearing what you think the church has gotten right through the years.

  4. By Doug Freeman on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    1st Peter 5:10 states; And the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
    I believe also that along with steadfastness comes compassion. Jesus in Mark 8:2 stated, ” I have compassion on the multitude.” In this particular case, we see the instructive and educative compassion of Jesus.Out of his compassion he performed a miracle, and in performing it, He taught some valuable lessons. Some have stated the teaching element of His compassion is often considered too lightly. But from Him and his compassion we learn many things.
    1. We learn that he is ever concerned in human needs.
    2. We learn that we are not able to meet our needs. In other words Jesus cannot help the self-sufficient. Those who think they are able to meet their own needs will never trust Christ for help. Man’s greatest need is spiritual, the answer to which is only found in Christ.
    3. We learn that we must respond to his call. Jesus wants what we have where we are, that a hungry world might be fed spiritually.
    4.We learn the source of our help is Divine. Jesus is the Divine, All-sufficient, All-wise, All-powerful, All-loving, and Ever-present Helper.
    5. We learn the law of divine increase. God increases our store only in proportion as we yield ourselves up to Him. For our greatest increase is spiritual, not material. God has but one purpose in blessing us, is that we might be a blessing to others.

    Scott, I think everyone has to pause occasionally and make assessment of where we are and where we want to be. I have been a Christian for over 65 years and 41 years serving as an Elder and still struggle with many of the same things you and your readers do. However, remaining steadfast and having compassion as Jesus had along with the Grace of God is what sustains me. We must strive toward a larger life of service and usefulness for Christ, that his purpose might be fulfilled through us in the salvation and blessing of others.

  5. By Jonathan on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    From Eph 4, emphasis mine:

    7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it says: “When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men.” 9(What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12 to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. 14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

  6. By Amy on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    I, too, appreciate your realness, your candor in this blog. I like the stream and wouldn’t have guessed you just pop this stuff off the top of your head!

    I don’t have any insights on your dilemma, but I have faced similar struggles wondering what direction to go. Those are the times I seek out wisdom from the mentors who know me, or even those who don’t know me but whom I admire. God usually speaks a word through them, especially when I am asking Him to.

    My thought is that since He has called you to ministry He will show you the way He wants you to go. It may take awhile before things are clear, but there is much to be learned even on the journey.

  7. By Scott on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    Thanks for all the kind words, guys.

    R-Liz, I will keep writing. It’s way too much of an important outlet for me.

    Len, I appreciate your presence and when you push back. It helps refine me. I don’t think I talk much about what’s wrong with the church but I’ll try to think more about what’s right. I’m sure I can come up with something.

    Dad and Jonathan, thanks for pointing me anew to those passages. That helps greatly.

    Amy, I hope that accountability that you talk about comes through for me soon. I do need some direction.

  8. By len on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    I think I speak for several, but I do know that I would like to read your partial/unfinished thoughts. Maybe you could have one day a week where you start these thoughts and we run frmo there. Can’t help but believe they would stimulate some great posts.

    I have doubted my own calling more in the last 3 years than in all the previous 15 years of ministry combined. My 40th birthday is next month. I wonder if this stage of our life makes us question things spiritually speaking? I do know that I have been spiritually and emotionally exhausted for quite some time now. That makes it very difficult to stay on a level plane in my spiritual life. You have done a lot of things lately to make you tired. Hang in there. Prayers are going up from TN.

  9. By Scott on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    Len, I think you are right. It’s an exhausting profession and a lot has been on my plate lately. Seeing what lies down the road and feeling like no one else does has worn on me.
    I get to go to some renewal stuff next weekend and I’m planning on taking two weeks off in June. Hopefully that will help.

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