There is a lot of talk that persists in the world today about dangerous religious movements and the toll that they exact on unsuspecting people. From a potential presidential candidate to a leading Hollywood star to my own religious heritage questions persist about what does and does not constitute a cult.

This is where I come in. In this special edition top 10 list (postponed from yesterday) I break down the 10 most dangerous, insidious and pervasive cults in America today.

It’s not Scientology that we have to be worried about (please don’t sue me). It’s not the People’s Temple or the Moonies. No, these groups are far more sinister.

Read on, reader, and gird up your loins for battle:

10. Jeep Drivers–I know the danger of this one first-hand because I used to own a Jeep. I had no idea when I purchased it back in 1996 that I had joined a covert group. But, overnight, people begin to wave at me and give me these furtive nods. The connection? We were fellow Jeep drivers. It took my wife and an expired lease to get me out (relatively) unscathed.

9. Star Wars Fans–Sure, they are geeks. But it’s the geek world writ large. They don’t just watch the movies, they view life through the prism of an alternative language. Tatooine isn’t another planet, it’s home to these folks. And don’t be surprised if some of the more industrious members are constructing their very own Millennium Falcon’s in their parent’s basements.

8. Lads To Leaders Participants–Sure, it has produced some leadership qualities in many of our churches. It has enabled people to develop and refine preaching and song-leading skills not to mention stoking the fires of all things puppets. But just suggest to the die-hards that you are uncomfortable with the spirit of competition that it provokes and you just might get a beat-down.

7. Garage Sale Scavengers–You have seen these people. They are the ones who begin trolling the streets late on Thursday nights looking for those who are setting up their sales to begin the next day. They are the ones who park outside said garage sales beginning at midnight in eager anticipation of the next day’s bounty. They are the ones who ring the doorbell at 4 in the morning because it’s time to roll up the garage door and begin the bargaining. And they are the ones who will gut you if you get between them and their nickel rolling pin.

6. Yankee Haters–There appears to be this code of acceptability among baseball fans that gauges your true love of the sport based upon the level of animosity you harbor toward the boys in pinstripes. I’m no Yankee fan but the seething level of hatred that many of the haters have is enough to give me pause and wonder if somewhere someone is amassing an arsenal to take out this scourge on America’s pastime.

5. Harry Potter Fans–Tell them it’s just a series of books and see the spittle and foam begin to appear around the corners of their mouths. Tell them you don’t know the difference between a muggle and a dumbledore and they will stare at you with incredulous pity. Tell them that you think it’s all a bunch of hype and prepare to see them slip into anaphylactic shock. Be warned of this group. Their next planned incursion into the real world is scheduled the week of July 21st. Best to stay off the streets that week.

4. NPR Listeners–This group of people are absolutely addicted to lifeless, monotone recitation of world events and “interesting” tidbits of cultural, political and sociological insight. The concern here is that the endless, never varying drone of those pedestrian and lifeless talking heads has produced a near zombie effect that could progress to the eating of young.

3. Mac Users–Be warned. Their smug, knowing tone belies an evangelistic fervor that seeks to indoctrinate.

2. Oprah Watchers–This group is the epitome of a modern day cult. They have a charismatic leader that demands unquestioning and impassioned fidelity. And she has achieved just that level of respect and adoration among her throngs of disciples. If she announces the phone book as her book club pick people will snatch it up in droves. Men, be careful. She is a few precisely timed “special Oprahs” away from taking over the world.

1. Coffee Drinkers–This group is far and away the most dangerous of all. They are universally incapable of understanding anyone who is not a full-blown aficionado. Tell them that you don’t like coffee and prefer a Diet Coke and you can see them looking incredulously at your impertinence and general lack of civility. Tell them that it’s preposterous that anyone would pay 12 bucks for a venti or grande or whatever and you can see them silently plotting your death. Keep away.

There you have it, the most dangerous cults in America today. Any thoughts? I’m sure there will be some insight from the members of some of these cults.

Any that I forgot?

And by the way, this is all in good fun.