Scott Freeman

Brokenness

One of the most important books I have ever read is Gene Edward’s classic “A Tale of Three Kings.” It is a fictional account of Saul, David and Absalom.

As you recall in the OT story David had ample opportunity to kill Saul. But he refused because, regardless of Saul’s actions, he was still God’s anointed. In Edward’s retelling he fast-forwards to the time when Absalom is making his bid for David’s throne.

Again, David has the opportunity to kill Absalom but he resists because he does not know if God has anointed Absalom. And he refuses to live like Saul. The question David faced at the later point in his life during the conflict with Absalom was whether he would act as a David or as a Saul. Read this beautiful entry:

It is better I be defeated, even killed, than to learn the ways of…of a Saul, or the ways of an Absalom. The kingdom is not that valuable. Let him have it, if that be the Lord’s will. I repeat: I shall not learn the ways of either Sauls or Absaloms.

And now being an old man, I will add a word I might not have known then. Abishai, no man knows his own heart. I certainly do not know mine. Only God does. Shall I defend my little realm in the name of God? Shall I throw spears, and plot and divide…and kill men’s spirits if not their bodies…to protect my empire? I did not lift a finger to be made king. Nor to preserve a kingdom. Even the Kingdom of God! God put me here. It is not my responsibility to take, or keep authority. Do you not realize, it may be His will for these things to take place? I suspect that, if He chose, God could protect and keep the kingdom even now. After all, it is His kingdom.

The book was so foundational and pivotal for me in my early ministry because it taught me an important concept and virtue: brokenness.

I made a pledge to myself that, if God called me to minister, that I would do so with brokenness and humility. When I found myself floundering and even out of ministry over a decade ago now I renewed that commitment.

If there is one thing that I always endeavor to do is to be honest with where I am.

If I doubt then I express my doubt. Thomas did that and he was blessed.
If I wrestle with a thorn I confess it. Paul did that and he was a great evangelist.
If I hurt then I voice it. David did that and he was a man after God’s own heart.

One of the messages of Scripture is that of the brokenness of God’s chosen vessels. We minister best when we allow ourselves to be fragile, to be painfully honest with our shortcomings, to be real and transparent.

Sometimes, I struggle with that as the way to go. There is the possibility of being misunderstood. But my best ministry has always been through being real. Being me. A fallen man with a perfect Savior.

Yesterday I received some great affirmation in the power of brokenness to work and move. A friend who I greatly respect and admire told me that “people like me need pastors like you.” That meant a lot.

And then I received an unexpected email. About 18 months ago I did a blog where I recommended a musical artist. I talk about my musical tastes a lot on this blog and often point out album releases that I find compelling.

Yesterday, this one particular artist emailed me and said something to the effect that, although he has always tried to hold religious people at arms length, he saw something in my writings that led him to think that maybe that wasn’t the way to go.

I say all that to say this: God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. It is through brokenness, humility and transparency that God’s light can most powerfully shine though us. And ultimately “in love’s service only the wounded servants can serve.”

And that is the only way I know how to minister. It’s good sometimes to know that in God’s hands that is more than enough.