(Note to Blog readers: this entry serves as my weekly bulletin article)
I don’t usually post entries from others but I find this one too good to pass up. This is from the latest edition of the Christian Chronicle . The article was written by Bobby Ross, Jr.
YOU MIGHT BE A MEMBER
IF …
With apologies to
Jeff Foxworthy of “Redneck” joke fame, you might be a member of the church of Christ ?
? If you know exactly
what song I’m talking about when I ask you to turn to number 728b.
? If you could recite
all the books of the Bible before you could even read them.
? If you know the
first and third verse of nearly every song.
? If you actually
know what a “ready recollection” is and have been thoroughly
“guide-guard-and-directed” all your life. (If you’re really a member, you know
that “guide-guard-and-directed” must be followed by “and-bring-us-back-at-the-next-appointed-time.”)
? If you think
“progressive” refers to those in the church who want a sound system and PowerPoint.
? If you can actually
read shape notes.
? If you recognize
any of these ministers by first name alone: Landon, Reuel, Prentice, Rubel,
Norvel, Flavil, Furman or Batsell.
? If you think your
chosen pew is “sacred” and no one else should sit in your spot.
? If you think the
Bible questions on Jeopardy are way
too easy.
? If you decide which
Bible translation to use based on how Acts 2:38 reads.
? If you immediately
reach for your wallet when you hear the phrase, “Now, separate and apart from
the Lord’s Supper ? ”
? If “chosen frozen”
refers to your early worship service that resembles a country church 50 years
ago, and “happy clappy” describes your late service that the chosen frozen are
deeply concerned about.
? If you know all the
words to all the verses of Trust and
Obey.
? If you’ve ever
ridden a JOY bus. (And, of course, you know that JOY stands for “Jesus” first,
“Others” second and “Yourself” last.)
? If, when you’re
happy and you know it, you clap your hands, stomp your feet and say “Amen!”
? If you’ve ever
carried your Bible in an empty casserole dish.
? If you brought that
casserole dish to the last fellowship meal, and the main ingredient in it was
cream of mushroom soup.
? If you’ve ever
heard a rambunctious young child yell “Pray for me! Pray for me!” as his mother
whisked him down the aisle to the foyer.
? If you’ve ever
wondered who Ebon Pinion was.
? If you think the
term “church of Christ humor” is an oxymoron.
? If you’ve ever
heard an announcement from the pulpit about a missing puppet.
? If you think the Chronicle is way too liberal.
? If you’ve ever
prayed for those “who are sick of this congregation.”
? If you’ve never
been to a church that wasn’t named after the street it was on.
? If you think the Chronicle is way too conservative.
? If you’ve been to a
wedding or a funeral where “the invitation” was offered.
? If you’ve stood for
13 verses of Just As I Am with the
last stanza sung softly.











