Scott Freeman

For this entry these are things that crop up far too often in my life that I would prefer to avoid.

10. Get up before 7 AM. Just a few short years ago that was 10AM. And I remember a time before that when I would not want to get up before noon. Those days are long gone and I have no desire to sleep that late ever again. However, 7 isn’t too much to ask, is it?

9. Go to Froofy Restaurants. Seriously, what is the purpose of a restaurant if it doesn’t have a healthy selection of fried foods? Yes, I typed that sentence. Souper Salad? Please.

8. Fly. Fortunately I haven’t had to do this in a while. I hate flying. If God had intended us to fly He would have given us wings. The mere thought of sitting in a metal tube hurtling 7 miles up in the air at the speed of sound gives me the heebs.

7. Shopping for Women’s Clothing. There is no way that can come out positively unless you absolutely nail the right color, size, style and occasion. And that means that I have had to have paid a whole lot closer attention to these things than I obviously have.

6. Getting a Haircut. Man, I hate going. If I could get the better half to sign off on it, I would shave my head bald right now.

5. Yard Work. I know many of you find it therapeutic and love working in the yard. I find it therapeutic that I can toss a few books to a college student and get him to do it for me.

4. Moving. Better said, I hate packing in anticipation of moving. Which we are doing in two days. We have boxes. We have stuff to put in boxes. But the stuff and the boxes have not been properly introduced at this point.

3. Going to any Event that requires multiple layers of clothing. Give me jeans and a t-shirt. Isn’t that enough? It’s bad enough that the mindset that believes that ties are a proper adornment for men still persists in my world. But suits, vests or sweaters? Uhh, no.

2. Talking on the Phone. I hate phones. I will beg my wife to make the simplest of phone calls. The sheer prospect of looking up the number, dialing it, waiting for it to ring and either get an answer or a machine is just too much. It’s why God invented email.

1. Going to the Dentist. Or the Doctor. Or anything that involves the use of a waiting room. And the use of sharp instruments. Seriously, dentures wouldn’t be that bad would they?

Thoughts? What do you hate doing?

I realized earlier that the curmudgeon hasn’t appeared in a while. As hard as I try to suppress him, he lurks underneath. Every once in a while he has to appear.

He presents to you now things that are really getting under his skin. Just bubbling under the list are people who are incapable of seeing nuance and news show banter. I mean, really, just give us the news. I don’t really care to see how well the meteorologist and the sports anchor get on.

Anyway:

10. Close Talkers–Not just any close talkers. I understand that some people might not have the boundary issues that I do. It’s the close talkers who won’t take the hint when I back up. Me taking a step backwards is NOT a cue for you to take a step forward. M’kay?

9. Birthday Parties–OK, maybe my folks were phoning it in. I didn’t have a birthday party every year. And either I wasn’t invited or my friends didn’t have one every year either. But if this rate of expansion continues I will have to quit my job just to be able to take my kids to all the birthday parties that they and their little friends have.

8. Use of the term “the church” exclusively for the Church of Christ. 1952 called. They want their isolationism, arrogance and exclusivism back.

7. Credit Agencies–Two notes for you bottom feeders: 1) Neither Gwendolyn Jackson nor Sheila Nichols live at my house. So they cannot talk to you about whatever sum they owe you. 2) You can keep calling on behalf of ADT. We don’t owe them money. And we ain’t paying.

6. Joakim Noah. I don’t think I’ve rooted AGAINST an athlete this hard since Christian Laettner.

5. Check Writing. Seriously, who still uses these things? They are called Debit Cards. Quicker and easier. And you don’t have to write a check for a .72 cent purchase. And isn’t there something a little sad about writing a check for a lottery ticket?

4. Hewitt Cops–OK, so tickets are your sole source of revenue. I get that. You can’t be hired anywhere else unless you want to work the graveyard shift providing security for the local apartment complex. I understand. But, that doesn’t give you the right to prey on your citizens. And don’t tell me that ONE single street in town needs a 20 MPH speed limit when EVERY OTHER ONE IN THE AREA is 30 MPH. And don’t tell me because it’s near a school. There are 6 streets closer to the school and they are all 30. THE STINKING SCHOOL ZONE is 30 MPH for crying out loud. The only reason that one street is 20 is to prey on fine upstanding citizens who might drive a skoch too fast. Not that I know, mind you. I just hear people talking.

3. Game/Reality Show Suspense–Do you really need to drag out who is getting eliminated or opening the stupid briefcase? Just tell us! Look at the long-standing success of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. They don’t wait until they return from commercial break to see if the double jeopardy question is right or if the vowel is up on the board. You want to know why these shows have such a short shelf life? People get tired of waiting.

2. Spell-Check. Come on. If you know how to log onto a computer, you should be able to know how to proof your work.

1. Spam–It’s killing me. I installed a second filter yesterday and it says it has already blocked 460 attempts. I want to utilize mybloglog on my sidebar but, as you can see, it has already been spammed by cleo and litllolita. Do me a favor: don’t vote for Cleo. And stop spamming me. Please.

(Caveat: If you don’t want to read me or anyone else stating that they don’t like a song you do, then stop reading. And remember this is all in fun.)

I don’t miss much from my youth ministry days. When I transitioned in the pulpit it was time. However, I still miss the worship times with teenagers. I don’t experience worship very often like young hearts coming with their passion and recognition of their humanity into the throne room.

With that said there are some more contemporary songs that drive me up the wall. Alas, I’m in a traditional worship setting so there isn’t much of an incursion of new songs into my weekly worship experience. Therefore, my list will exist of ones that are a little more established but still have debuted among us in my lifetime.

First, two honorable mentions:

Honorable Mention 1–Humble Yourself: First off, I love this song. It’s one of my favorites because I view humility as such an intrinsic quality of a disciple. But in our songbook the last verse is “When we’ve been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun.” What? When what? If you are going to incorporate Amazing Grace into this song then at least have the decency to finish the stinking line.

Honorable Mention 2–Lord, I Lift Your Name On High: Another song I really like. I can do without the hand motions though. Do we really need to simulate digging a grave to get the point across?

Now the List:

10. Awesome God–I’m a huge Rich Mullins fan. I cried when we lost him so young. And singing the chorus is great. But you cannot tell me that the verses to this song were even intended to be sung in an a capella context. It just sounds bad.

9. There’s Something About That Name–Oh yeah? What might that be? A second verse of exposition might be in order here.

8. Victory Chant–I’ve sang this song for years, even led it on many occasions. But I’ve never liked it. What exactly are we conquering in His name here? Just curious.

7. Marvelous Things–Maybe, I’m jaded by first hearing this song by a singing group with the member who sang like Elmer Fudd. But, ultimately, songs that have each part singing different words can be beautiful. But not this time.

6. Celebrate Jesus–Yikes!

5. Blue Skies and Rainbows–Maybe it’s because I sang it at every age-specific event from the time I was 2 until I reached the age of 30, but I am so beyond sick of this song. And now my kids are learning it. Please, make it stop.

4. People Need The Lord–Yes, they do. But do we really need this song?

3. Glorify Thy Name–The fact that this song takes 15 minutes to sing essentially 6 words drives me bananas. Could we just reduce it down to one verse and “Godhead we love You?”

2. Get Right, Church–Is there truly any redeeming value to this song? The basic point is “I’m outta here first chance I get. Hope you can shape up in time to join me.”

1. Said I Wasn’t–Then don’t.

Again, all in fun. What songs would make your list

Don’t have time today to take on contemporary church songs. Here is something on a lark:

10. Atlantis
9. Jimmy Hoffa’s Body
8. Who is Harry Kellerman and Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me?
7. Who Else Is On “The List”
6. Britney Spears’ dignity
5. The Second Gunman
4. Natalee Holloway
3. D.B. Cooper
2. Any Way to Resurrect His Career
1. Those pesky “Weapons of Mass Destruction.”

What else should he be on the look-out for?

This week’s entry is ghost-written by my curmudgeonly acerbic alter-ego. This is the un-thanksgiving list.

10. Bluetooth–Seriously, get the thing off your ear. You look ridiculous. Unless you are dumping 30,000 shares of Martha Stewart’s latest stock fiasco, you aren’t that important to need one.

9. Three Month Christmas Seasons–If we start celebrating this holiday after Labor Day, if your yards are decorated with Frosty the Snowman invading the Middle-Eastern Creche, then that means I get four months of a daily request for a puppy for Christmas. And you know I’m going to cave. You know I’m going to break down and get them the dog for Christmas, don’t you? Don’t you? Cause I’m powerless over them.

8. Two Days to craft a sermon on Ephesians 4–I’m not a machine. These things take time. Two days doesn’t cut it. Sure, I can take the laptop and work while we are visiting relatives. But, I won’t. If it’s not done today, I’ll put it off until we get back in town on Saturday. And I can’t stand putting off my sermon.

7. Turkey–It’s the day set aside for being thankful. And this is the best food we can think of? What about steak, pizza or Lasagna? Cornbread and Chili? We can do better than this, right?

6. Health Insurance Companies–You are going to deny me coverage because I had high cholesterol five years ago? The fact that I lowered it by losing 70 pounds, changing my diet and beginning regular exercise is not good enough? The lab results that say my cholesterol is now within acceptable ranges is not conclusive enough? Criminals.

5. Nervousness before Big Games–I started this football season with moderate expectations for my beloved Razorbacks. But they have decimated those meager hopes with a season far surpassing everyone’s projections. Now, I’m tense with thoughts of running the table. Can we stop the skid to LSU? Can we be competitive in the SEC championship? How did Chris Leak get nine years of eligibility? And don’t even get me started on how stressed I get following my fantasy scores each week.

4. SexyBack, My Humps and all other offspring of marginal musical talents–This is the result of the dumbing down of American culture. And don’t tell me it’s just mindless fun. Why does fun have to be mindless?

3. My sustained uselessness–I know I have a million things to do. I know the yard looks bad. I know that my desk needs to be cleaned off. I know that I am basically worthless when something goes wrong. I know that my dad could build an add-on to the house in time for lunch. I didn’t get those do-it-yourself genes.

2. Mornings–Seriously, do we need two 6:30′s? I like the one at night just fine.

1. Clothes–No, I’m not advocating nudism. I don’t think I could pull it off. But I’m not thankful for the entire mindset that says clothes make the man. Or Woman. Or that what you wear is some kind of great insight into the person that you are. Clothes should always maximize comfort over style. No article of clothing should cost more than 10 bucks. And ties should be outlawed as the objects of torture that they are.

Give me your thoughts. Tell me what you aren’t thankful for or what you have to say about my list.
Now, excuse me while I go yell at these kids to get off my lawn.

I hesitate doing this because I don’t really get into the Christmas swing of things until it’s ACTUALLY CHRISTMAS TIME! But, I get so many emails from those who read my blog asking me what I want for Christmas and since my wife recently blogged about what she wants, I thought it would be a good time to help you out.

10. iTunes Gift Cards–There is a ton of music that I want to get, but that stuff adds up quickly. This will help me stock up on all the Bright Eyes CD’s that aren’t available on Emusic.

9. DVD Recorder–Right now, I’m planning on braving the Black Friday crowds to pick one of these up for our family. We can free up a lot of space on the DVR if we are able to record the movies we have for the kids.

8. This T-Shirt.

7. Retro Atari–20 of the original games and 20 new ones. I cut my video-gaming teeth on this 2600. What better way to trip nostalgic then to wield the ol’ joystick one more time? Too bad E.T. isn’t on it.

6. Panini Maker–Since I’m working at home a lot I have to each lunch at home 4 days a week. I’m not much of a sandwich eater, but I love panini’s. This would make lunch more enjoyable.

5. A speaker system for my iPod. Or there is this one that is also a toilet paper holder.

4. Sports Night on DVD–It’s time I own the greatest sitcom of all time.

3. A Home Treadmill–Sometimes it’s hard to get to the Y or even go outside and run. With a good one at home we could cancel our Y membership and I could get a few runs closer to a marathon.

2. Tickets to whatever bowl game the Razorbacks make it to.

1. Amazon gift cards. It’s all about books. This way I could continue to build my library with the latest titles I’m jonesing for.

So, there you have it. You can have any gifts shipped to me at the Northside Church of Christ in Waco, TX.
What about you?

I was going to do my top 10 reasons for leaving the GOP but thought that might get out of hand. Instead, here is my list of the 10 dumbest things (and it was hard narrowing it to just 10. I wrestled with doing a Top 20 Tuesday.) things said during this campaign year. (HT: About)
It’s interesting how idiotic people can be when they hold a microphone. And people who speak for a living, no less.

11. “You know, education — if you make the most of it — you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.” –Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) (Note: I put this here for equal time. I still think it’s much ado about nothing.

10. “Now I’ve seen what happened in Abu Ghraib, and Abu Ghraib was not torture. It was outrageous, outrageous involvement of National Guard troops from (Maryland) who were involved in a sex ring and they took pictures of soldiers who were naked. And they did other things that were just outrageous. But it wasn’t torture.” –Rep. Christopher Shays (R-CT)

9. “We’re not going to tell you what our plan is, Jon, because you’re just going to go out and blow it.” –Sen. Conrad Burns (R-MT), on the secret plan he and President Bush have to win the Iraq war, in a debate with his Democratic challenger, John Tester

8. “Having said that, I don’t want to hug the tar baby of trying to comment on the program.” –Tony Snow, on the NSA phone database

7. “These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband’s death so much.” –Ann Coulter, on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration

6. “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…. I’m not joking.” –Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.)

5 . “Nothing will motivate conservative evangelical Christians to vote Republican in the 2008 presidential election more than a Democratic nominee named Hillary Rodham Clinton – not even a run by the devil himself … I certainly hope that Hillary is the candidate. She has $300 million so far. But I hope she’s the candidate. Because nothing will energize my [constituency] like Hillary Clinton. If Lucifer ran, he wouldn’t.” –Rev. Jerry Falwell

4 . “Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.” –Sen. Trent Lott (R-MS)

3. “This fellow here, over here with the yellow shirt, macaca, or whatever his name is. He’s with my opponent. He’s following us around everywhere. And it’s just great. … Let’s give a welcome to macaca, here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia.” –Sen. George Allen (R-VA)

2. “As it turns out, Mr. Foley has had illicit sex with no one that we know of, and the whole thing turned out to be what some people are now saying was a — sort of a joke by the boy and some of the other pages. ” –James Dobson

1. “He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act. … This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.” –Rush Limbaugh

What do you think?

*****Updated********
In the pursuit of true bipartisanship, I’ll give you a smattering of Dem quotes:

“He has “a career of slavishly supporting the Republican Party.” – House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer, (D-MD) on Maryland Lt.Gov. Michael Steele, an African-American Republican running for Senate

“We all know what GOP means now. It means grope our pages.” –Former Democratic Sen. Max Cleland

“That’s alright. You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair.” –New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, responding to charges that the Hurricane Katrina cleanup is taking too long

Oh, and if you doubt that political ads have gone too far, watch this:

Which one of these songs qualifies as the worst video ever? I love both of these songs, but man this is bad.
The first is Billy Squier’s song “Rock Me, Tonite.” This video effectively killed his career. Hard-rockers in the ’80s did not wear pink tank-tops or roll around on satin sheets.

This next video is from the Boston cast-off Orion! The Hunter. The title of the song is “So You Ran.” Such great acting. It’s easy to discern Barry Goudreau’s guitar playing and I love Fran Cosmo’s voice, but this is awful.

So, what’s your pick? Which one is the worst?