Or, Seeds
I was a long way from leaving the party but I did become disillusioned at the time of the Clinton Impeachment.
Clinton was wrong, granted.
But the GOP was not much better.
I began to describe myself as a “Political Athiest.” I no longer believed in the god of politics.
I could not support the Clinton presidency nor could I stomach the hatred that sprang forth from the Republicans (this has flip-flopped, to coin a phrase, during the Bush administration).
I was asked by one girl in my youth group to give her my views on Government. My response was that governments were all set up to fail because they were based upon human reasoning and intellect. They were secular institutions, including democracy, that were self-serving and temporal.
This feeling, which I held during that time, had been influenced by one of my favorite artists of the ’90, Rich Mullins. I’m not a big fan of most Contemporary Christian Music. Insipid lyrics, amateurish production values, and a sound that always seems dated leaves me somewhat underwhelmed. But the words and music of Mullins always spoke to me. I was devastated by his death and grieved the loss of this voice of compassion and truth.
During the impeachment process, I heard a retrospective of his work on the radio. He had said something that stuck with me:
I think the big problem is that, as Christians, we forgot that our identity is wrapped up in Christ and for a long time we bought into the illusion that the will of the masses would be more generous and more benevolent than the will of one dictator. But democracy isn’t necessarily bad politics, its just bad math. A thousand corrupt minds are just as evil as one corrupt mind.
I’m very hurt at the apathy in the church. I’m very hurt over the determination of the government to destroy life and its not simply over the abortion issue. Anyone who has any awareness at all of Wounded Knee, not only the first Wounded Knee but what happened there, what 20 years ago, whatever. You kinda go, there can be no doubt that governments that are controlled by men are without exception anti-life and anti-Christ.
I think for a long time I believed that there would be political solutions because, growing up in America, you endure several political campaigns and these people make promises and they say, we will do this and we will do that and you believe them because you don’t know any better. And I really believed for a long time that this was all going to work. And I thank God now for Richard Nixon and for Gerald Ford and for all those people who betrayed any confidence that the American people could have in their government who said that the leadership of this country is not accountable to the people who elect them and who made so clear what we now know that no government works. And I wanted the government to work. And what I have now realized is I used to make fun of the sentimental feeling of the church that there was an afterlife. I used to mock songs about Heaven. And I used to think that it was somehow stupid and even wicked to dream of Heaven and to long for Heaven. And now I see the kind of a horrible place earth really is. And I go hiking and I go, this could be so beautiful. I met the guy last night sweeping the stairs down there and I talked to this very gentle man, a very kind man, a very simple man and I thought, how could a world made up of people like this be such a horrible place. And then I pick up the paper and read about dishonesty and deceit and betrayal and all that and go, I do long for Heaven. Someday God will destroy injustice. Someday there will be a judgment and because we have a loving and a forgiving Father, maybe we’ll survive it. If we don’t, sometimes I think hell is better than what we deserve anyway.
I miss Rich Mullins, still. I believe he was right. I believed it then, but it was too radical for me to fully embrace. Besides, 2000 was coming and a Republican “Savior” was emerging.
Coming: America Held Hostage
